R1+Group+4

=   Memory of the Past    =

[|Click here for audio of short story]
I hear the noise of a steady beeping. I open my eyes and I see three unfamiliar faces of a young boy, a woman, and a man in a white coat. The first person that sees me is a women dressed in all black with her hands fidgeting at her sides. She rushes immediately to my side. “ Gary, Gary." She whispered, "You are safe now." “ Who is Gary?" I ask with confusion in my eyes. I had never heard of a Gary. "Who are you?" She looked at me with sadness. Then the lady looked up at the man in the coat and said, "Doctor, why does he not remember? Does he have any memory of the accident?" The doctor walked over to the lady and said in a gloomy voice, "He has amnesia. It is a condition that, in his case, was caused by the trauma of the accident. He is going to have to learn his past all over again. He might remember some bits and pieces of his life in a couple of days or so, but I would not try to make him remember at the moment. You should, however, tell him the situation. The women in black looked back at me and I could see tears in her eyes. "Your father died this morning, Gary. He was in the crash with you. He hit the rail harder then you did in the collision and went---" At this point the women stopped talking, unable to keep a steady voice. I was still confused; was she talking to me? "Who are you talking to, ma'am? I do not know this father that you speak about." At the sound of that, the tired looking women went running out of the room. The little boy, who had been standing in the corner watching this whole scene, sighed and reluctantly ran after her. Later the little boy walked cautiously back into the small white room. He took one look at me and said "Hey Gary, how are you feeling?" I was still bewildered at who Gary was so I replied, "I am very sorry, but I do not know who Gary is, or you for that matter." “ You are Gary and I am Stewart, your twelve year old brother." replied the boy. “ Who is my father? When did he die? How did he die? What happened to me?" I asked. Stewart looked surprised by all the questions, but he gathered all of his thoughts and said”Our dad died in the accident and---" "Wait a second. "I interrupted, "What accident? He struggled with this question, and then said, "This is better off answered by the doctor". Stewart abruptly got up to leave. I said. "Why won't you tell me? He looked at me but didn't answer. “Okay, if you will not answer that then at least tell me what my doctor's name is? He looks a little wild. " He told me my doctor's name was Dr.Pepper. Then he laughed and said, "You should have seen him say his own name! He cracked up!" Later Dr. Pepper came in and said "You put in a dollar and in comes the one, the only Dr. Pepper... Me." This must have been the reason that he laughed when he had told Stewart his name. I put my thoughts to the back of my mind because I had to hear what he needed to say. Dr. Pepper said "You are in stable condition and you will most likely live." I looked at him, shocked, "When was I going to die?" Dr. Pepper said, "Don't you amnesia patients remember anything?" This was followed quickly with a snort of laughter. The doctor left after his failed attempt to make me laugh. The woman, who seemed to know me well, came back into the room looking more composed than when I last saw her. She told me that she was my mother and that she and my brother would help me remember my past and return to a normal life. She suddenly turned and I heard loud sniffling and my mom ran out of the room again. I wonder what she was so upset about. Then I remembered the father that she had been talking about earlier. In my mind I put two and two together. My dad had died. In the accident that Stewart had been talking about. I was a survivor of whatever accident had happened. I planned in my mind what I was going to ask next. The next time that Stewart came in to visit I asked him my question, "What accident? I know that you didn't want to answer before, but I want to know what happened to my father." Stewart's usually happy face flipped around to have a gloomy expression. I knew from his face that this conversation would be hard on him. It would be hard on me too, if I could remember. "You and your dad were on a motorcycle..." He kept talking, but I didn't hear a single word that he said because pictures were flashing through my mind, pictures of a man and a boy standing beside a motorcycle, a railing coming into view with a motorcycle crashing into it, a blur of movement, rapid objects speeding past me. Whoever was steering was screaming. Sudden darkness closed off all of my senses. I had no more feeling of life or death. I stared blankly as my mind came back to me. The first thing that I saw was Dr. Pepper staring at the monitor that was making a steady beeping noise. Then I started to hear Stewart again as if I had just woken up. My vision focused back on Stewart. He was staring at me with a confused expression. "You okay, Gary?" He asked, "Your heart beat just sped up really fast." I ignored his questions because nothing seemed more important then what I had seen. "I remember. I remember the accident." I whispered in a horse voice. I was scared and confused. If the motorcycle had crashed into the rail, hadn't I too? “Why didn’t I die? Didn’t I crash into the railing too?” I was crying silent tears now. “If my father died, why didn’t I? Tell me Stewart, tell me!” I was angry now. I was angry at everything and nothing at the same time. How could I have let my dad die? Now the doctor was looking intently at me, watching me. All I wanted to do was lay back and sleep, but I knew that I couldn't do that. I had to get an answer. Dr. Pepper started to respond to my inquiry. "Gary, this couldn't be helped. There is nothing that could be done. The railing stopped you, It didn't stop him. “ Well that seems totally unfair." I spoke through gritted teeth. "Why him and not me? Why not both of us?" “ The rail stopped you it is as simple as that." said Dr. Pepper. His usually cheerful face was turned down in sadness.

Everyone left the room. I laid there alone and tired, but unable to sleep. A little while later my brother walked in. "Are you feeling better yet?" he said cautiously. Not wanting to be there when I had another outburst. “ Not really but I guess I am alright. So I guess that I have... Wait how old am I again?" “ 18, remember? You are six years older than me!" “ Oh right, well as I was saying, I have 18 years of my life to catch up on. Fill me in." Stewart stayed for another hour and talked to me about common things like how his baseball team is doing and how he likes school. After Stewart left I was suddenly hit with a wave of tiredness. My dreams were filled with images of my father standing next to the motorcycle and the rapidly approaching rail. I awakened to the sound of scribbling on paper. The doctor was standing above me writing on a clipboard. "Gary, you have been through quite a lot of trauma over the past day or so. You have a great bridge to overcome.” Dr. Pepper said. He kept talking in that jolly voice of his, but the sound of screeching drowned out all of his words. For the second time, images scampered through my mind, flashing rapidly with no sign of stopping. When the pictures finally had stopped, there was a sound of a large object hitting something metal, but not slowing down. Then everything went quiet. Before I was ready, a scream came, a long scream that curdled my blood. It echoed around and around my head. There was a faint thud and then nothing. The doctor's voice needled its way into my head. "Gary...Gary, what's the matter? You are ghostly white and you haven't answered anything I've said for the past minute!" “ I just started seeing all of these images of a rail and a motorcycle and I heard what I thought was a maniac screaming." “ Well that's not exactly an everyday happening is it?" The doctor smirked. “ No, but it happened yesterday too." “ I see. that could be your brain recalling bits and pieces of what happened to you. Something must be triggering these flashbacks of yours for your brain to remember what happened. What was the last thing that you heard or saw?" I thought back to the first flashback that I had. Stewart had been talking about a motorcycle and then I had had a memory of a motorcycle. The second flashback that I had, Dr. Pepper had just said, "You have a great bridge to overcome." After Dr. Pepper had said that, I had a flashback about someone falling off of...what? It had to be a bridge because that is what Dr. Pepper had said. I was aghast**.** How could this happen? Who was that person? All of my questions spilled out of my mouth, blowing the unexpected Dr. Pepper off of his feet. He put his hand to head and said, "This is going to be harder than I thought." So if different things that happened around me triggered these flashbacks, I would be able to remember almost all of the crash as soon as I found the thing that triggers a flashback. This would help me learn a little more about the origin of the crash and anything else about the crash that might be unknown to others. I had so many questions but they would have to wait for when other people could provide more answers. My mother seemed especially down the rest of that day. Stewart explained to me that she had lost a great deal of hope since my father died and she just isn't herself. She hardly ate, barely spoke, and when she did speak it usually was not positive or uplifting. It’s as if when my father died part of her went with him. I saw my dad stumbling around with a bottle in hand and a mind left behind. He was obviously drunk, but he didn't care. He came out determined to get home on his bike with no assistance. He was going to drive. I was hesitant but, was not about to question my father. I handed over the keys. This turned out to be one of my worst decisions. My dad had relatively poor driving skills normally, so when drunk he was a nightmare. He was all over, though he didn't seem to break any laws. He was in his lane but, swerving. I knew I needed to stop him. I pleaded for him to pull over and let me drive. He wouldn't let me. So we continued. Soon we were almost home, in one piece too. Then the bridge came up. It was a turn that would prove costly. We slid across the road and... I awoke. Then it all came back to me, I remembered everything the accident, the hospital, my life. Everything was in my head. This epiphany was short-lived as I was angry that I was such a bad role-model for my little brother. I should have been more adamant, my father shouldn't have been driving. I let my dad die, I let my brother down, and I changed my mother into the depressed widow she is now. Now because, of me, my whole family is ruined, split up, gone. Stewart had been sitting in a chair by my bed, fast asleep. "Stewart," I whispered, "Stewart." Stewart jerked up, "What? What is it?" “ I am so sorry. Truly, I am." I spoke in almost a moaning voice. Pleading for him to forgive me. “ That is great Gary, but I don't know why?" “ I killed our dad. Please believe that I am sorry. I remember everything, our house, my friends, even my baseball team. I remember all the mistakes that I made, but nothing that was ever as disastrous as this. I tried to pull him over I really did. I knew that he was drunk. No one should have gotten onto that bike." The entire time that I was ranting and pleading on, Stewart sat and stared at me. After I had finished, he said in a barely audible voice, "I know." I looked at him. “ You...know. What do you mean you know? You knew all this time that I had killed our father and yet you didn't tell me? Why did you not tell me? I would have apologized." I was angry, angry at myself and Stewart at the same time. I knew that I shouldn't have been, but I was. How could I have let this happen? "I am sorry; we all thought that it would be better for you if you never found out." Stewart said. He was pleading just like I had before. I was just about to keep on arguing with him, when I remembered that he was a twelve year old boy with no father. If he lost me, he would lose a friend and a role model. All that he would have left was a depressed mother. “ Its okay, Stewart. I believe you." Then just to show how much I cared for him I added, "I love you." “ I love you too." Stewart started to cry, "Please don't die. Please, please!" Then he scooted forward in his chair and grabbed my hand, praying. “ Hey.” I said softly. "No one is going anywhere. God is watching. He will help us all. Even though he did not help me make the right decision about dad." I added the last sentence with such anger in my voice that Stewart stopped his crying and looked at me. “ No, you can never blame yourself for what happened that night. Dad was being, well not being himself. He should have known better. He was a grown man. Life is too short to dwell on the past. Never, ever, think that anyone is blaming you for what happened. Please, just use all of your strength to stay alive. For me?" Stewart was crying again. Taking deep, jerking breaths. “ No one is dying, I will always be here. I promise." I said with such force that I was sure that he was going to believe me one day. "Come here." Stewart climbed up onto the small hospital bed with me. There we lay for who knows how long. As we lay there, I thought about my life that was ahead of me. I knew that if I ever left this world, Stewart would be strong. Just as he had been when dad died. I knew that he would survive. I closed my eyes and I floated up over the bed into the world above me. As I floated away I heard the long, steady beep of a monitor and a small boy crying.